This is dedicated to the brakers (yes its deliberately misspelled, all will become clear so calm down or you may be Things That Shit Me #3) of the world. In particular the “I’m going to keep the guy behind me guessing” brakers.
One of the things you learn when training for you driving licence is the fact that all other drivers are not mind readers. In fact, they live in a perfect world and if you decide to ruin their pleasant oblivious trip on the road, you will in fact experience the subtle message that is road rage.
So how do we avoid this interaction of minor cardiac arrest of other drivers? We give fair warning of our actions by using this little stick on the steering column that produces a hypnotic ticking noise on the inside of the car. But this little ticking noise does much more than keep the beat of the song running through you head. Your simple action of moving a small lever has now started your vehicle to communicate to the outside world with little amber lights. These wondrous lights turn on and off in beat with the ticking you experience on the inside of the car.
How does this magical light communicate with the world? Is it morse code perhaps? No, it is even more high tech then that. This flickering beacon of light, breaks down the language barriers and lets the world know that you intend to move the car in a different direction by honing the attention of the drivers around you to these small miracle bursts of colour. In fact you could say these flickering globes of gold are INDICATING your intentions.
The drivers are now mesmerized by this miracle universal indicator and in turn, prepare themselves for the upcoming event of your car turning in the same direction the yellow goodness are appearing on your car.
With this is mind, I draw attention to the people in the world that are causing chaos to the harmony of indicating. A simple request you may say.
Use your fking indicator before you brake. I am not a fking mind reader so when you suddenly brake while doing 80km or even 60km an hour, I tend to go “What the fk?” Hit my brakes harder than they need to be if I had prior warning and maybe even wonder, “Did something jump out in front?” or “is there something wrong?”.
Only to discover that no, a sinkhole has not suddenly appear to swallow us whole. In fact the driver is just a fking idiot and likes to play “surprise. I’m stopping to turn, hope your brakes are good”
The little flashing amber lights are called indicators for a reason. To indicate your intentions to allow other drivers around you to prepare and adapt to your actions, safely and without viens bursting from foreheads.
INDICATE then BRAKE It is not fking hard to do, you end up doing both of them anyway. But one way keeps the peace, the other encourages me buying a bullbar.